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Dear Osprologist,
I was wondering how Ospreys handle guilt. It seems to me that the guilt may get to them, you know with all the killing
they do. Interested to hear your response.
Curious friend of the Osprey, Clarence
Well Clarence, it's an interesting question with a very interesting answer. It's very true that most species kill,
most often as means for survival, but in the case of the osprey killing is done for many reasons- protection, nobility, hunger,
duty, and sport.
So the question is Do Ospreys feel guilt? The answer to that of course is no, that's ridiculous, not any longer.
According to historical tablet in early stages of adaptation Ospreys saw guilt as a sign of weakness, so using their great
knowledge they discovered a way to manipulate their genes. A wizard told them they could rid themselves of guilt forever
if they feasted on the carcass of a dodo bird. The trick is that the osprey could not murder to serve their purpose. The
wisest of all osprey convinced the dodo birds to commit suicide. The feast began and ospreys no longer felt guilt. The Osprey
worried that other animals would try to copy what they had done so they killed every dodo bird that existed. Historians who
attempted to write of this were often killed or tortured but thanks to one historians braveness we found out the truth.
Dear Osprologist,
You think Ospreys could ever become pets? They sound like they'd be pretty sweet to have around the house.
Fellow Friend
Well friend I hate to tell you but you're an idiot. I strongly advise against these course of actions you'd last
seconds maybe minutes in trying to domesticate an osprey...but hey if you don't like breathing i'd get two.
Professor X, Osprologist
The Richard Stockton College of New Jersey
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